Feeling overwhelmed by your dog? You're not alone
We know that looking after your dog isn’t always a walk in the park. We’re here to help both you and your dog.
Dog ownership can be wonderful and challenging, so it’s normal to feel frustrated, sad or guilty at times. But you’re not alone. We speak to owners like you every day.
When dogs show problem behaviour, they’re usually struggling – and that’s hard on you too. We’re not here to judge, we’re here to help. With the right support, small changes can make a big difference. Please don’t struggle alone.
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Need help now? We're here for you.
Are you struggling and feeling overwhelmed? Give our friendly team of qualified experts a call for free.
Our phone lines are open Monday to Friday 8:30am to 7:30pm; Saturday, Sunday and bank holidays 9:30am to 5pm.
Tips while waiting for help
Need a break? Ask friends, family or professionals if they can look after your dog for a few hours.
Use enrichment to keep your dog busy while you have a few minutes of peace.
Identify and avoid triggers or situations that feel overwhelming.
Speak to your vet to rule out any medical conditions.
What happens on the call
When you call our Behaviour Support Line, our team will listen carefully, offer practical advice, and help you find the best way forward for you and your dog.
Our trained experts keep up-to-date with the latest science and offer immediate, personalised advice over the phone. We’ll ask a few questions about your dog and what’s been happening, and you’ll have the space to explain in your own words what you need help with. Whatever challenges you’re facing, you’ll get kind, non-judgemental support.
In many cases, a free telephone consultation will give you all the support you need. We’ll also follow up with an email so you have clear, helpful information to refer back to.
If needed, we may also recommend one of our other behavioural services. We’ll talk you through what this involves, answer any questions, and help you arrange the next steps.
Quick ways to feel more in control today
These steps focus on the human side of dog ownership. If you feel like your dog’s behaviour is affecting your mental health, please find support straight away.
Pause and reset
Accept your feelings – what you feel is valid.
Make it easier – move to a quieter space or reduce distractions.
Take a break – it’s okay to pause and focus on safety and calm.
Create breathing space
Take a break – when emotions start to impact daily life, take a break. Scatter food outside or in another room to keep your dog busy and have a few minutes’ peace. A food toy, long-lasting chew or enrichment can give you a bit more time.
Ask …
One small change at a time
Build a routine – both dogs and humans are creatures of habit. Creating a routine will help your dog know what’s expected of them at different times of the day. This will help …
Reach out early
Research shows that many people find it difficult to ask for help. We want to change that. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
If you need help with your dog’s behaviour, you’re in the right place. Seeking help sooner will help you feel more …
Myth busting mindset
Sometimes, we can be our own harshest critics. Here are some things to bear in mind:
How your dog behaves isn’t personal. It can indicate that they’re struggling too.
Perfection is an unrealistic standard.
Making mistakes is part of learning. If …
Why dog ownership can feel overwhelming
The owner-dog relationship can be complex. We love our dogs dearly but they’re also a huge commitment in time, finances and energy. Juggling family life, work life, social life and your dog’s needs can leave you feeling pulled in all directions at once.
The reality gap: expectations vs real life
The reality of dog ownership hits hard in the first three years of a dog’s life. Puppyhood can feel like a whirlwind. It can be a rewarding life stage for owners, but it’s challenging too. And then, out of nowhere, comes adolescence – filled to the brim with hormones and intense emotions.
Research shows that owners find these things surprising about dog ownership:
- Disruption – the amount of mess, noise, accidental damage, and activity.
- Emotional energy – the amount of patience and energy needed. In general terms but especially when dealing with behaviour problems.
- Time demands – both daily for exercise and training, but also to resolve problems.
- Financial costs – the daily cost of feeding, toys and beds, insurance, and veterinary care.
- Social life limitations – some owners find that the caregiving duties of owning a dog can limit freedom and opportunities for spontaneity. This is particularly true for owners of dogs with unwanted behaviours like separation anxiety.
- Prior experience – it’s hard not to compare your new dog to dogs you’ve owned before. Remember that all dogs are individuals and that your previous dog was learning once upon a time too.
Problem behaviours can start at any age. But our expectations of dog ownership rarely include owning a dog that shows reactive or aggressive behaviours, particularly when they’re young. A dog’s twilight years can also be hard to imagine when you first bring your new puppy home. The reality of age-related conditions like doggy dementia can be a sharp contrast to the peaceful routine we might have.
Common emotional reactions
Overwhelmed
There are lots of things to juggle as a dog owner – and that’s only one part of your life. Handling the mental and physical demands of dog ownership on top of your normal daily life can feel draining. Research suggests this is especially true if you have a young dog or a dog with behaviour problems.
Happiness
Dogs can make us laugh like no other sometimes. It’s hard to not smile as they run around the park joyfully. Their goofy expressions and silly play remind us that sometimes you don’t need to have much to enjoy life.
Frustration
When things don’t go the way we want or expect them to, we’re likely to feel frustrated. Changing behaviour takes time and there’s rarely an instant fix. Stop, take a break and try again when you’re feeling calm and ready. Try to work out why things didn’t go to plan and use the information for next time. Your frustration is a sign of your commitment, not failure.
Excitement
Nothing feels better than seeing the behaviour change or skill you’ve been feeling frustrated about finally come together.
Embarrassment
When our dogs act in ways we’d rather they didn’t, we feel like their behaviour reflects on us. Most of the time, they’re just doing things that are perfectly normal for dogs. But social pressure, fear of failure and fear of judgement can lead us to focus on the negatives rather than the good things they do.
Pride
Some days you and your dog are going to smash it. Maybe your dog walks calmly past the duck pond or they greet a group of your friends with all four feet on the floor. Love and remember those moments.
Resentment
During a tough patch, resentment towards your dog can creep in. This is often followed by guilt for feeling this way. If your dog’s behaviour is placing limitations on your life, it’s normal to feel negatively affected. Remember their behaviour isn’t personal, things can improve and support is available.
Guilt
Many dog owners feel guilty at times. It’s normal to wonder if you’re doing enough and to feel guilty about the impact your dog’s behaviour might have on others. Beating yourself up about things you can’t change isn’t helpful. If you’re feeling guilty, acknowledge the feeling, use the information to plan your positive, next steps forward. Then let the feeling go.
Love
We love our dogs for so many reasons. They can be our best friends. They stop us from feeling lonely and they remind us to live life in the moment.
Fear
Some owners may feel afraid of their dog when they behave aggressively. This could be for their own safety, the safety of others, or the safety of the dog themselves.
Sadness
Many people expect an instant bond with their dog. So, it can feel upsetting when this doesn’t happen or their behaviour affects daily life.
You're not a failure, you're human
Dog ownership isn’t always a walk in the park.
They bring so much joy to our lives, but because we care so deeply about them, they can also cause emotional strain.
It’s hard to problem-solve when you’re stressed out and in the thick of it. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it just means you’re human.
This is why we’ve set up our free Behaviour Support Line. Our experts have helped thousands of owners with all sorts of problems. We’ve heard it all before, and we know how to help.
Pop us a call today, and we can face whatever you’re going through together.
Why you might feel this way about your dog
Big changes and life stress
Big changes and life stress are hard to deal with at any time. When you factor in daily chores and the wellbeing of your furry friend, things can get a little complicated.
Our dogs get stressed out by a lot of the same things as we do. For example:
- moving house
- a new family member, like a baby or adopted child
- ill health
- a new pet
- big events like Christmas or weddings
- changes to routine, like children starting school or a new job.
When you’re already dealing with big changes or events in your life, it can be even harder to cope with unwanted behaviours.
We have lots of advice to support you and your dog with changes at home.
Puppy stages and sleep deprivation
Bringing a new puppy home is an exciting and generally joyful experience. But the reality of life with your puppy can be a bit more challenging than you expected. Changes to your routine and sleep quality might leave you feeling tired, which can impact your resilience.
How puppies can affect your sleep and how you feel:
- The caregiving responsibilities of a new puppy are like having a new baby. Worries of ‘getting it right’ can keep some owners awake at night.
- Puppies have small bladders and need toilet training to prevent accidents. They’ll need to pee late at night, early in the morning and sometimes during the night too.
- It’s normal for puppies to feel unsettled when they first leave their doggy family. They may need extra comfort and reassurance at first.
- If you don’t want to share your bed with your dog (which is perfectly understandable), you may have disrupted sleep while you gradually teach them that it’s okay to be alone overnight.
Both you and your dog are learning a lot, so it’s natural that the first year or so with your dog can feel the hardest.
Unexpected behaviour
No one expects their new dog or puppy to show unwanted behaviours. And it’s normal to feel disappointed or resentful when things don’t go according to plan.
Here are some of the most frequent topics that come up:
- barking
- mouthing, nipping and biting
- reactivity
- aggressive behaviour
- toilet training
- destructive behaviour
- separation anxiety
- lead pulling.
We can support both you and your dog with our advice on these unwanted behaviours.
Feeling judged or embarrassed
Worrying what others think of us is a normal part of being human. Fear of judgement, however, can mean there are high expectations on how dogs behave.
They’re expected to be quiet, calm, friendly with everyone, and perfectly obedient in every situation (even if we wouldn’t ask humans to be the same). When they fall short of these expectations in public, we can feel embarrassed.
The good news is that most of the time, those around us are focused on their own lives and experiences. While some people will offer unsolicited advice, it doesn’t mean they know better.
Try to remember that while the pressure to have a well-behaved dog can be overwhelming, the expectations for dogs aren’t always realistic for the situation. When things go wrong, it’s normal to feel embarrassed but no one can be perfect all the time.
Worrying you’re doing it wrong
When you care deeply about your dog, it’s easy to feel like you’re a bad owner or that your dog will hate you for getting things wrong. Please be reassured that this isn’t the case. People who worry about getting things wrong, care about getting things right. This means you’re probably doing a lot better than you think.
Social media, conflicting information and outdated theories can all contribute to you feeling this way. Try to remember that for every video you watch of somebody’s ‘perfect’ dog, there are many more that didn’t make the cut. There is a lot of conflicting advice about dog training and behaviour. Working out what to do is challenging. This is why it’s important to get support from somewhere you can trust.
We base all our advice on up-to-date, science-led information. We review our content regularly for clarity and to include new information whenever needed. The advice from our behaviour support services has been proven by science to be the most effective.
Please don’t hide away or feel too ashamed to seek help. You can trust us. Explore our website and speak with our Behaviour Support Line to get the trusted support that you need.
Practical ways to ease daily stress
Build small, predictable routines
Introducing predictable routines can help your dog feel safer. They’ll learn what to expect and what’s expected of them, which can build their confidence.
Having a routine can also prevent unwanted behaviour. For example, if your dog knows that a certain point in the day is ‘naptime,’ they’re likely to settle nicely. They know nothing else happens during that time. Without a set routine or clear indicator, they won’t know they’re expected to settle. This could cause frustration because of the lack of interaction or activity.
Routines can support you too. A simple, reliable plan reduces decision-making and eases stress.
Our advice on how to build a routine has lots of information to get you started, and we’ve included some top tips below.
Bitesize chunks – break your day into manageable chunks. For example, morning, lunchtime, afternoon and evening.
Individual parts – think about what to include to meet your dog’s needs. Like meals, walks, playtime, naptime and training.
Optimise your schedule – where does your dog’s routine align with yours? Allocate each part of the routine to the bite-sized chunks of your day. Short lunch breaks? Walk in the morning and evening. Prefer early nights? Schedule play for lunchtime so they’re not as excited before bed.
Weekends count – while many of us have more flexibility at the weekends, it’s helpful to keep to a similar schedule. For example, giving them their breakfast at a similar time.
Use enrichment to reduce pressure
Enrichment is an incredibly useful tool that can be used in the following ways.
As an outlet for natural behaviours – this could be a food toy or snuffle mat. Using enrichment can tire dogs out in a way that physical exercise alone can’t. Or if your dog loves to dig, a sandpit or designated digging spot could keep them happy and your roses looking healthy.
As an alternative to unwanted behaviour – if your dog begs at the table, for example, giving them a food toy while you eat will give them something appropriate to do instead. Food toys can also provide mental stimulation if they’re bored or can’t exercise as much as they need.
To soothe and help regulate – dogs will sniff, lick and chew to help them regulate their emotions and soothe themselves. The endorphins released while doing this help them to relax.
To boost confidence – completing a puzzle can help your dog’s confidence. For example, scent enrichment can give them the confidence to trust in their sense of smell (this is why we make puzzles and enrichment easy at first and gradually build up the difficulty).
For building bonds – play builds bonds between you and your dog and releases happy hormones. There are lots of different ways to play. Take the time to find out what is safe and works best for you and your dog.
Working together - training with rewards helps strengthen bonds and boosts confidence for both of you. It doesn’t need to be complicated - simple trick training can be a fun way of spending time together. As your dog learns, they’ll respond to you more easily and you‘ll feel closer to reaching your training goals.
Giving you space – sometimes, you just need a break. And that can be hard to get when you share your home with a pooch. Using simple enrichment, like scattering food in the garden or living room, providing a food toy, or giving them a long-lasting chew, can keep your dog busy and give you a short break.
Enrichment activities to keep your dog entertained
Break problems into tiny steps
Behaviour problems can feel like mountains to climb, without a map to show the way. If you try to tackle everything at once, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Instead, break things down into small, achievable goals. There’s no shame in that – it's how the professionals do it.
Make sure you celebrate the progress you make along the way.
Give yourself permission to take breaks
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t help your dog in the best way if you’re at the end of your tether. Give yourself a break and come back to it another day.
Try asking family, friends or dog professionals if they can:
- walk your dog for you
- look after your dog for a few hours, a day or overnight
- join you on a walk to help your confidence.
Manage triggers, don’t power through
It’s not cheating to avoid overwhelming situations. In fact, it’s better to avoid a situation that could be stressful for you and your dog than try to push through and do it anyway. Especially if either of you are having a bad day.
Avoiding overwhelming situations or triggers will protect your training, reduce risk and reduce stress for both of you. It will also prevent your dog from practising unwanted behaviours while you seek further support.
Managing the environment can include:
- hiring a field or indoor space for walks or training
- visiting an industrial estate out of hours for low distraction walks
- separating your dog from visitors so they don't use aggressive behaviours towards them
- staying away from areas that are likely to be overstimulating, like dog parks, while you work on helping your dog cope with their excitement or frustration levels
- using management strategies like putting film on windows to prevent your dog barking at passersby.
Make sure that you celebrate the days that do go well and the progress you make.
Celebrate the wins: ways for owners to de-stress
Behaviour change builds up gradually, so progress can be easy to miss day by day. Here are our top tips to de-stress and celebrate the wins along the way.
Signs of progress
Is your dog starting to respond to you in more places? Can they stay calm even when there are more distractions around? These are great signs that things are moving in the right direction.
You might also notice your dog recovering more quickly after seeing a trigger. For example, they may shake off like they’re drying themselves and settle sooner, with fewer signs of stress. Another positive step is if they’re happy to work for lower-value rewards, like biscuits, when previously you needed something extra special, like chicken.
These small changes really add up, so if you’re seeing them, you’re making progress. Keep going, you’re doing great.
Track your progress
Keep a diary of what you do and how it goes. When you look back through the diary, not only will you find it easier to plan future sessions, you’ll also be able to see how far you’ve come. You could also try writing the best thing your dog has done each day on the calendar. It’s hard to deny progress when it’s in pride of place on the wall.
Support your mental health
Practicing mindfulness, keeping a gratitude diary and making time for things you love can help keep your spirits high. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family and professionals if your wellbeing is negatively impacted.
Understanding your bond with your dog
Dogs bond at their own pace
It’s not always easy to know how to bond with someone new, especially when they’re not even the same species. All relationships take time to establish trust, good communication and an understanding of each other’s needs.
All dogs are individuals - they have different temperaments and different life experiences. This can influence how they build relationships and how long it takes.
What ‘connection’ really looks like
Feeling like your dog doesn’t love or trust you is hard. We hear from lots of owners saying, “my dog doesn’t like me”. But just because your dog isn’t bouncing off the walls when you walk in, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. In fact, it could be quite the opposite.
Here are some subtle signs that your dog wants to spend time with you:
- relaxing near you (even elsewhere in the room) with a loose body, soft face and relaxed tail
- leaning against your legs or sitting on your feet
- looking to you or moving closer to you when needing reassurance
- instigating play
- bringing you ‘treasure’ like toys or bits they find around the house
- a nice, loose, wiggly body when they greet you
- making gentle eye contact with soft, round eyes
- some dogs might lick you as a greeting, sign of affection or when they want attention
- lying on things that smell like you
- a ‘helicopter tail’ that is held high and circles like a rotor when greeting or interacting with you.
Why behaviour isn’t personal
Lots of owners tell us their dog is making them miserable. We don’t want anyone to feel like that.
When your dog affects your wellbeing, it can be hard not to take things personally. Try to remember that dogs use behaviour to communicate their feelings. They might be trying to let you know they’re scared, confused, or in pain.
When we focus on what our dogs might be feeling and what they might need, we’re better able to support them and ourselves.
If you need help understanding your dog’s behaviour, please get in touch.
Steps to build trust gently
Trust is built on mutual respect and good communication. It takes time to build so please don’t worry if the process seems a little slow. Here are some tips that can help:
Show that you’re safe
Learn to recognise how your dog is feeling by reading their body language. By responding appropriately, respecting their space, staying calm and encouraging them, their trust will grow.
Be together
Make sure you schedule time just for you and your dog. Take part in activities that you both enjoy, like playing or training. This can help build confidence and reinforce bonds. Be sure to keep checking they’re enjoying themselves.
Build confidence
Dogs thrive on predictable routines: build one that works for both of you. Consistency in training and routine helps build confidence as your dog knows what to expect, and what is expected of them. This prevents confusion and anxiety about getting it wrong.
Meet their needs
When your dog’s needs are met, they’re more likely to be happy and healthy. This hugely reduces the likelihood of unwanted behaviours. As a bonus, you’ll also be pairing yourself with lots of positive things in their eyes.
Be their advocate
By recognising when they’re worried and helping them out, they‘ll learn to trust that you’ve got their back. For example, asking strangers not to approach if your dog is worried by them.
When your dog’s behaviour adds to the stress
Barking or vocal behaviour
When stress levels are raised, each bark your dog makes can feel like the last straw. And fear of judgement or complaints from neighbours adds to the strain we feel.
If your dog’s barking is driving you wild, our advice on barking and vocal behaviour will help you understand why they bark, and what you can do about it.
Destructive behaviour
Chewing is a natural behaviour for our dogs. Most will enjoy ripping up toys, cardboard boxes and other safe items.
In other contexts, chewing and destructive behaviours can be very upsetting for us. For example, when your brand-new shoes or nice sofa become a mangled mess. As time goes by, your home can stop feeling like your own as you start replacing things you like with things that don’t matter.
Chewing and destructive behaviours can feel personal. Please be assured that your dog isn’t behaving this way out of spite or dislike. Their behaviour probably means they’re struggling with something. Check out our advice for chewing and destructive behaviours to find out more.
We can help you make your home feel like your own again.
Separation difficulty
Separation related behaviours can be incredibly challenging to live with. It’s awful to see your dog struggle when you attempt to leave them. But it’s hard not to feel frustrated if your life becomes restricted by their anxiety.
Check out our advice and practical tips if your dog struggles to be left alone.
Biting or nipping
When you’re already stressed, the last thing you need is your dog nipping or biting at you. Somehow, the pinch of those teeth feels far more painful than any accidents during play or puppy mouthing. When this happens, we can react strongly due to the shock or build-up of feelings. And then we might feel guilty about reacting that way.
If you have safety concerns (for you and your dog), please don’t hesitate to get support. Get medical treatment for any injuries straight away if they happen. Call our friendly Behaviour Support Line and take your dog to the vet to rule out underlying medical problems.
Check out information on biting and nipping to restore harmony at home.
Reactivity outside or inside the home
Aggressive and reactive behaviours can raise your stress levels like no other.
Avoiding every potential trigger and making sure you do all the right things at the right time is hard. Your fight or flight response can be triggered, leaving you feeling shaky and out of sorts. And the social pressure of your dog behaving this way can feel isolating.
If this sounds familiar, please don’t feel embarrassed – reach out to us. If that feels too much right now, remember to prioritise safety and get support when you’re able to.
Find out more about causes of aggression in dogs or specifically aggression towards visitors.
When to seek professional help
Vet check
Research has proven that dog ownership isn’t all sunshine and tennis balls. It’s normal for all relationships to have bumps in the road at times. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, that’s completely normal.
Seeing a vet if something is up with your dog is just the same as seeing a doctor if you’re in pain, or a dentist if you have toothache. You don’t want to wait until things are unbearable before you speak to someone who can help make things better. Early intervention stops problems from getting worse. This is true for us, our dogs, and their behaviour.
Behaviour support
You wouldn’t judge a neighbour who asks an electrician to solve an electrical problem. Asking a dog professional to help you with unwanted behaviour is just the same.
We strongly encourage you to reach out to us as soon as you realise you could do with a hand. Don’t wait until a situation becomes unbearable and difficult to live with. We can help you with knowledge that’s accredited and backed up by the latest science. There’s no shame in not having all the answers. That’s why we’re here.
Contact our Behaviour Support Line, request a call back with an expert, or book a support package now.
We help thousands of dog owners every year. Our team offers a wide range of support depending on what you feel is best for you, even if it's just to check you're on the right track.
Real owner stories: You’re not alone
Mango, the Cocker Spaniel, was struggling with sore ears. While in pain, he needed lots of vet visits and handling, which made him begin to worry about being touched, especially around the ears.
Understandably, taking him to the vets and giving him treatment at home were very stressful and upsetting for his owner, Claire.
With another vet trip around the corner, Claire gave our Behaviour Support Line a call and got some much-needed advice. We were able to give her practical advice straight away to help with the upcoming vet visit. And a training plan for more long-term support.
Claire says, "I just wanted to say a huge, huge thank you. I talked through my plan with the vet, and Mango didn’t even notice getting the injection he needed.
Honestly, I had been so worried about it that I actually cried with relief on the way home.
Claire, Mango's ownerr
Claire continues, "It means that we may even be able to try that for his boosters in a couple of weeks, and in the meantime, we can follow the training plan to make him feel less worried about the vet. Thank you so, so much!"
FAQs about feeling overwhelmed by your dog
Am I a bad dog owner for feeling this way?
Becoming overwhelmed by your dog from time to time is completely normal. Give yourself permission to feel this feeling without guilt.
Although it can be hard to see the way right now, you’re not a bad owner, and they’re not a bad dog.
Raising and owning a dog can be hard and full of challenges, but it can also be fun and wonderful, too. It wouldn’t be normal life if everything was perfect 100% of the time.
When the behaviour feels unmanageable, you’re still not a bad owner - you just need support.
We have plenty of advice on our website for you to explore. And if you can’t find what you’re looking for, or want to chat something through with one of our friendly experts, we’re just a click away.
Why doesn’t my dog seem to like me?
What may feel like a personal shun is likely just your dog communicating how they feel and what they need.
Here are some examples:
- A dog moving away from you may do so because they’re in pain or not feeling well.
- Some dogs love to fuss and be fussed. Others are more independent and like to relax by themselves. If they move away every time you try to fuss them, it might be the fuss they don’t enjoy, not you. They’re a lot like people this way.
- Past negative experiences, (even if they happened before you had your dog), can mean that establishing trust may need a little time.
Playing and training with rewards is great for building bonds. See where you can factor short sessions into your daily routine. Just be sure to keep an eye on your dog’s body language to make sure they’re relaxed.
If your dog’s behaviour is concerning, or you’re unsure of what to do, you can find lots of advice for many different things on our website. You can also reach out to our behaviour support team for practical advice.
I can’t cope anymore and regret getting a dog
We know how difficult it is when you no longer feel you can cope with your dog. The regret you feel for getting your dog is likely accompanied by guilt and sadness for feeling that way.
It takes bravery to admit to these emotions; they’re not easy to accept.
Right now, your wellbeing is affected by your dog. It doesn’t mean that this will last forever, but it does mean something needs to change.
We don’t want anyone to feel the way you’re feeling right now. Please call our free Behaviour Support Line. Our friendly, qualified team can offer you judgement-free, immediate advice and support for your dog’s behaviour. Your wellbeing is also important, speak with your GP or mental health charities for personal support. The Samaritans have a hotline and so does Mind for support if you're struggling.
Is it normal to feel overwhelmed by a puppy?
It’s extremely normal to feel overwhelmed by a puppy. The expectation of bringing home a cute bundle of joy is only part of the story. You’re juggling toilet training, showing them the world, and introducing your pup to people and dogs. And all this on top of your normal day-to-day life. It’s no wonder you’re exhausted.
Our advice is to stop and take a breath. Yes, there’s a lot that puppies need to be taught, but it can’t be taught in one day. Give yourself a break and make the most of this special time. Even older dogs can learn new tricks, so if something must wait until tomorrow, chances are that you and your puppy will be just fine.
Find out more about what to do when you bring your puppy home.
Why does my dog not get excited to see me?
If your dog seems unexcited when you greet them, it can feel like rejection. This isn’t always the case, however.
Frantic or hyper behaviour can be a sign of anxiety or overarousal rather than excitement. If your dog greets others with hyper excitement but greets you calmly with a relaxed body and loose wagging tail, it probably means they’re more relaxed with you than with other people.
Some other reasons your dog might appear unexcited to see you:
Medical reasons - pain, illness or injury can make dogs reluctant to move for fear of feeling worse or getting hurt.
Tiredness - dogs can have ‘off days’ too. Sometimes, if they’re not enthusiastically greeting you, they may just be tired from a full day of dog business.
Overwhelm - if your dog’s prone to becoming overwhelmed or has had a lot going on, they may need to retreat and de-stress.
Individual differences - Just like us, individual dogs can greet others differently. Some dogs might be excited greeters and others calm. They may also interact with different people in different ways. This doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
What if I don’t feel bonded with my dog yet?
If you're worried about bonding with your dog, please don't worry if it’s slow to begin with. Relationships take time to build and need trust, good communication and an understanding of each other's wants and needs. These aren't learnt over night.
We have more information on developing bonds with your dog further up this page but here are our top tips:
- learn your dog’s body language so you can respond appropriately when they’re worried
- spend time together doing things you both enjoy
- be kind and encouraging and use lots of rewards when training
- avoid telling them off
- help them to develop their confidence with training, enrichment, consistency and routine
- be patient.
If you would like to talk to someone about why you think you’re struggling to bond with your dog, our friendly Behaviour Support Line team are here for you.
Can stress make my dog’s behaviour worse?
Just like us, stress can affect how our dogs feel. This can result in unwanted behaviours increasing or starting. The hormone cortisol is released when a stressful event happens, and it can take 48 – 72 hours for levels to reduce again.
When lots of small stressful events happen in a short space of time without a chance for recovery in between, your dog could become ‘trigger stacked’. This means they’re more likely to use unwanted behaviour more quickly in the two to three days after an initial, stressful event.
What a dog considers to be stressful depends on the individual. Be mindful that your dog may also respond to the stress that you’re feeling. If you think your dog has experienced stress, aim to give them a couple of relaxing days filled with things they enjoy. If you think your dog is picking up on your own stress, try to stay calm and positive around them. Make sure to take time for yourself and support your needs too.
My dog is giving me anxiety: who can I talk to about how I’m feeling?
If your dog is making you feel anxious or affecting your wellbeing, please speak to someone. Reaching out is a sign of strength and opening up to family or friends can make a huge difference to how you feel.
For personal support:
- Your GP can help you with immediate and ongoing support.
- You can self-refer to NHS talking therapies as well as local, private talking therapies.
- Make use of your workplace Employee Assistance Programme if you have one.
- The Samaritans are available 24/7, 365 days a year on 116 123. They also have web chat and email options if the phone feels too much.
- If you need immediate support but prefer to text, the Crisis Text Line is available on 741741.
- If you prefer to find out information for yourself first, Mind and Anxiety UK offer information and a range of different support services.
For support with your dog:
We created our Behaviour Support Line for people just like you. For free, qualified dog training and behaviour advice, call us today. Your vet may also be able to help you - especially with any underlying medical problems.
Contact our behaviour services
Whether you’re facing a tricky behaviour or feeling completely overwhelmed, we’re here to help. Our team of experts can offer advice, training and support.
Call us on 0303 003 6666
or
Our free telephone service is open Monday to Friday 8:30am to 7:30pm; and 9:30am to 5pm on weekends and bank holidays.
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