Dog A-Z > B > Behaviour problems > Separation problems

Separation problems

Some dogs can become over-attached to one person in the family and then can’t cope when they are left on their own. This sort of problem can be as a result of a number of experiences in the dog’s early life and is often not the fault of the current owner. Many dogs will find it easier to cope when left with a companion dog or even a friendly cat, if they have had a chance to bond properly, however most severe cases will require help from a reputable behaviourist.  

Destructive behaviour (also including soiling or urination in the home, persistent barking and self-mutilation) is a way that dogs cope with their worry at being alone. It helps a dog take his mind off being so lonely and can release ‘happy’ hormones which will make him feel better. Dogs with serious separation problems will start showing anxious behaviour during your preparations to leave (i.e. your morning routine before going off to work, picking up keys, etc.) which then escalates and can become a full blown panic attack just after you’ve walked out the door. Most dogs showing separation problems are likely to be most destructive during the first 20 minutes of being left.

Please remember that destructive behaviour is not a purposeful or spiteful act by your dog – they just aren’t capable of that. Punishing your dog on your return for anything that he may have done in your absence will only increase the amount of anxiety and confusion that he feels when you leave him and make the problem far worse.

With a little work and some slight changes to your relationship with your dog, the destructive problems associated with separation issues can be reduced to an acceptable level – making for a much happier dog and owner.

Because the worry that your dog feels when he is left can make new learning very difficult, try to choose a period of time (2 or 3 weeks) when you can provide company for him 24 hours a day, during which time you can do this training. The more training sessions you can put in the quicker and better the results should be. Your aim is to encourage your dog to settle in a relaxed manner on his own. To do this, you first have to teach him to relax without your attention in your presence:

• Start by teaching your dog that lying in his own bed is a positive thing to do by rewarding him with treats whenever he goes there or is settled there as you go past. Occasionally leave tasty chews in his bed as a nice surprise for him.
• Using tasty treats, practice teaching your dog to sit, down and STAY in the area that you wish to leave him – making sure you reward every time. This will help his general confidence and also get him used to you walking away from him without panicking. Start with just one small step away from him (in STAY), step back to him and reward him. Then two steps away etc. Slowly build this up until you can move out of the room before returning and rewarding him. Give him a nice chew in his bed to relax with after each session.
• Have practice sessions each day, in the same area as above, where you completely ignore your dog (even looking at him!) – this is to help him learn that sometimes you aren’t available to give him your full attention and that he needs to relax instead. Provide him with a visual cue (that only comes out during the session), such as a special blanket or towel to lay on his bed which will come to signal “when this blanket/towel is here, I will get no attention”. Then provide him with a stuffed Kong toy, rawhide, pig’s ear or large raw beef bone to keep him occupied. You should then sit down and read a book (a good way of avoiding eye contact). Once the session is over, remove the blanket/towel and give your dog some calm attention if he requires it.
• Once your dog appears to be familiar with this routine, start walking around with the book in your hand, pretending to read. Then walk around without the book. After this, try moving around the room and out through the door for just a few seconds and eventually try shutting the door before re-entering. Build things up slowly to ensure that he is able to cope and is happy with each stage.
• If all is going well, after a week or so of this, start to practice leaving your dog on a daily basis, whether you are actually going out or not – so that it becomes part of daily routine rather than an intermittent traumatic event. After sufficient exercise, encourage your dog to settle in his bed with his ‘no attention’ signal (blanket/towel) and favourite chew item. Whilst he is happily munching, quietly slip out of the room, closing the door. Even if you return after only a few minutes you’ll be starting in the right direction and can build on this. When you return, ignore him as you put away the blanket/towel and then calmly greet him.
• Whenever you leave the house always ensure your interactions are kept low key. Settle your dog as per the above routine 20 minutes before you are due to leave. Don’t interact with your dog for this period and slip out quietly whilst he is busy with his chew or quietly dozing in his bed.

Other tips:

• If you find that your dog recognises the signs that you are about to go out (getting your bag, picking up keys, etc) and begins to get anxious or worried, desensitise him to these activities by going through the motions several times a day without actually leaving. 
• Ensure that everybody in the house has a role in looking after, interacting with and caring for your dog, so that he is not overly dependent on one person. If you have reliable friends or neighbours who can help walk him or dog-sit, this will help.
• It is VITAL that you never punish your dog for any destruction, barking or mess that he makes in your absence. This will simply increase his worries, make it more likely to happen again next time and damage your relationship with him. Remember that he cannot help this behaviour – he is just trying to cope in the only way that he can.

If you need more help with your dog’s destructive behaviour and separation related problem, please ask your vet to put you in touch with a behaviour specialist – or if your dog is adopted from Dogs Trust, please contact your Rehoming Centre for help and advice.

Associated factsheets:
Coping Alone factsheet (opens new browser window)